yearbooks, emergen-cs, and bakwahalamooshulakatakanausawi

no one will comment my scandalous new myspace picture. and it's scandalous. photobooth brings out the best in us, so it does. i keep talking like the characters in the stephen king series i'm reading. the characters are so believable.. and they all die. it's real frustrating.

well, i keep playing my guitar and putting off my homework. my mom got some cinnamon life. i didn't know it existed but i LOVE IT. and i thought LIFE was good but THIS stuff.. i'm crazy. like in that movie, about a boy, the kid's mom makes him eat cereal called ancient grain. i like good movies.

song: circles
artist: soul coughing

it's a bit repetetive but i still love it. hm. diana was after school today for once, so i talked to her and we signed each other's yearbooks and laughed a lot and so that was like old times. but not quite.

nothing's the same. could anything just hold on for just a second so that i could get back on my feet.

don't ask me to be more specific. i'm talking about life, not anything specific.

go listen to cake. tell meghna that i recommended them because i need someone to smile really largely at me.

&&

i don't want to think about it
i don't want to talk about it
when i kiss your lips i want to sink down to the bottom of the sea

&&

what a delicious song.

long week

i don't really know, guys. sorry. i'll get back into the blog thing later.

last night's play was really good
but only because of the people in it
and the money joke

diana was amazing, amazing, amazing
and so were jordyn and mckenna and MADDY AND GRACE.
they owe me a pie, too. what will i do for them. HM.

pirates movie. it was okay. funny.
political. for all you people who conform to the liberal system.. yeah. pay attention at the end.

i'm confused.
tired.
i wrote a new song =]

brilliant.

i have managed to get at least five people to sign off at me and getting the last, angry word. so much fighting. so much english homework.

i suppose enough people know by now that you will all find out soon enough that i like nina. and, a lot of people are mad about that, too. but they won't tell me, of course. that's cool, then. anyone happen to have any idea why that's worth getting mad over?

you know i gotta keep it goin
keep it goin full steam
too sweet to be sour
too nice to be mean



soon all the joy that pours from everything
makes fountains of your eyes
because you finally understand the movement of a hand
waving goodbye

hey, they're great songs. i did grow up on the beastie boys, after all.

i'm not going to say much else. besides goodbye.

<3 is your number hahaha
<7. get online.

looking back, and forward... but mostly looking away

im having a terrible life
but i have great days

moving on, then
civics was okay. i was one of nine people who presented.

i love mrs. ward. GH has the best teachers. besides mrs. balconi.

after school! yay!
meredith and i were playing soccer outside but mostly talking, and then michaela came, and then we all went inside and got yelled at and i made a vow to stop eating ramen. then i played guitar for a while and then i waited for nick to leave so i could talk to marion.. that was cool. i miss that.

i don't know what to blog about. everyone's sad. i just wish there was something i could do. i feel torn because someone's happy like JOSH JOSH JOSH LETS DO THIS THING and i just got done wiping the tears of a friend.. and i don't know where to turn. i hate the selfishness surrounding me constantly.

mulligan

NINA:
i changed the bottom. i hope you like it.

civics
vote democratic republican; the future in looking absolutely stunning in tall socks!

english
me: *laughing*
mrs. ward: oh, come on, you know you'll miss me

latin
me: i closed the maze!
aj: don't worry, i still love you

science
me: you have to make the nipple touch the fingers.. prepare to take it out of context!

math
*picks up pencil*
*feels laser vision on my back*

choir
grace mangigian is making me muffins, and i love her

dance
this is the part where sara de-limbs me and performs a complicated series of twists and a strong pelvic thrust. it was very awkward.

after school
i think mrs. topper understands now that i dont go in the woods to make out. or go in the woods. we had a nice talk and i decided to make a bomb with meredith and xavier and jordyn. then i sat around a while on the couches by the front door talking with meredith while nolan and alex did not-so-unintrusive things with viggy's and maya's and jessica's clothes.. it's a great way to waste a personal bubble, but they didnt seem to mind.

then i went out on the soccer field and shot for a while but i had to keep backing up because i kept shooting it over because i was happy [who knows why] and i had a lot of energy.. so i finally got it in and i helped mrs. harper with stuff and made passes at marion and talked about how much nick hates me [which is a lot... and the reasons, since he wont stop, are worth it] and then they were playing hillel. they were doing okay when i saw them but i didn't watch for long.. marion is really really good at soccer.. so are a lot of people, really. the whole team got so much better since i saw them last, on their first game.

then it took me an hour to go home. fun, fun. i'm not looking forward to missing people. give me your phone numbers at school so i can tell you when i am coming back from ohio and we can hang out.

te amo. te cupio.
et amasne...?

hello, beautiful

today it rained a lot. which was cool. just now there was this huge thing of lightning that was really big and red and pretty, and very loud.

after school rocked. sort of. nina and i tried to go outside but mrs topper said that if we were going to make out we would have to do it on our own time. when i said we werent making out [and we werent, i swear] she got very mad and informed us that it was raining. then we went inside and she said that if she didnt have constant sight she would call our parents. i said i had to go to the bathroom and then i asked her if that was okay, that i promised i wouldn't try to escape or anything. that was funny. she almost got very mad but was only a lotta mad instead.

in fact i
cant
stop
falling
out

i
miss
that
stupid
ache


it's a good song.

meghna is going to be in choir. one day she won't be afraid to sing. and then i can hear her.


&&edit


this one, folks, is for meghna..


AHH! AHH! AHH! AHH!

in which i become a pillow in all too many ways

today was a good day, because i am all tired but not from gym. civics was really fun, because mr jones made fun of me a lot and aj and i continued to get his jokes. thats why we are in the front of the room. hopefully maya will learn from us.

diana has to feel better soon.

lets skip to after english.. nick and i talked. i was surprised, he approached me.. so that was really cool because now i think he's okay with how mean and terrible i am =D what a relief..

meghna informed me that ms. ostrander took my book away from her.. because of the title, i'm assuming. it's got "Get Laid!" in the title. don't worry, okay? thats not even what it's about. it's about planning each individual year of your life [2 pages each!]. it is hilarious. i hope i can get it back.

after the girls' soccer practice, i played with marion, anna, and sahar.. but mostly all anna did was try to tickle and hit hit me with things because i stole her water bottle. that was cool. it was a little frustrating because marion is so much better at goalie than i am at shooting. but i still love soccer just as much as i ever did.

among other things..
:
-
"
i got a ride from rachael, so it didn't take me a whole hour to get home, just ten minutes.

i'm so lucky i dont post very much, because people comment like crazy. i feel so loved.

grounded, drama, and a fiery, burning, ice-cold passion

keep this in mind: im not grounded, but several other people are..

so i guess i have to blog about the dance, huh?
it was really cool.. the last dance of the year, and people were going alllll out. and three quarters. so, that was cool. my legs are tired. the master played the milkshake song because mrs gleason wasnt here. but not lose control by missy elliott.. john and i have a DANCE and EVERYTHING. he says he will invite me to some house parties, though, and he will play better songs there.

so that was fun.
i think everyone probably knows all the stuff thats going on, but even if you didnt.. i honestly cant find the words to explain exactly what it is. so check the rumors, i know there are plenty of people talking behind my back because i hear them sometimes.

HEY HEY YOU YOU I AM NOT A VIRGIN teehee

wake up calls and all in the fambly

so today i was woken up at eight because of the guys working on the roof, the head of whom is my cousin jesse. hes pretty cool. but anyways. i woke up and my mom got mad because she thought i slept til one but i was reading and they all got mad... so that wasnt cool. i didnt know we were working too.

so after i came down and ate, i started doing the crappiest job ever, which is picking up tiny bits of shingles from the grass.. no destruction or rebuilding. but i guess someones gotta do it. later i was painting where the gutter ripped, and was standing on ladders with nailguns, with music playing very loud and singing with jesse. he told me stories about nailgun incidents when we were up on the ledge outside my window [which i can go out and sit on now when its nice out]. then my mom made us grilled peanut butter and banana sandwiches to go with leftover chinese food rolled in little burritos. fun stuff, fun stuff.

then i came in and started reading at about seven and promptly fell asleep. i just woke up. no one is online except anna, and i cant get something off my mind. not that anna isnt fun to talk to, of course, but i needed to talk to one or two more people.

so that sucked, now i have that surreal twilight of energy and sadness, that i wholeheartedly have no idea how to describe. oh well.

happy cinco de mayo, everyone.


&&


and even though you still dont care, its getting worse. its getting a fuck of a lot worse.

light fixtures, awkward situations, and a lack of sobriety

well, lets start with yesterday. i played basketball for six hours, ate a fuck of a lot of nachos, and some ice cream, and some populous, and some chess, and some backgammon, and some failed attempts at launching our water rocket (new design in progress) and two more hours of basketball, and runon sentences!

so that was fun.

then today i ran the mile because i said i was sick on friday (well i was) and got my BEST TIME EVER. it was because i was allowed to run by myself and when i was halfway through and saw the time on the stopwatch i got pissed and ran faster. sub seven, first time ever. yay. then.. after school was a little weird. nick still wont talk to me. maybe he ACTUALLY hates me. that would be cool(er). well.. i dont actually have a lot to say. i could rant, but i dont really have the time or a rantation-worthy subject.

i need to stop being a hypocrite.

&&

the REASON i dont do rants is because everyone who reads this hears them all..
i think.
fine, fine, ill start.

&&

its not going well

new blog titles, nostalgia, and friendship bracelets

i just read a bunch of old kids books that evoke such strong memories. damn.

i am a jerk.

ooh, new song for myspace.

i dont have much to say.
i just came on to change the title. it really is important, seriously.

dm, mb. its symmetrical. you dont know how ironic that is. im not telling, either. pie might get it. she might lie, too.

i miss you terribly.
lp. i miss you too.

i will talk to mrs. henderson when she gets back, if not email her, because i can play that song really well. im excited. i think im gonna make it. i cant stop listening to akon. well, i can, but all my moms kids LOVE HIM. the ones she teaches, i mean. their little angelic voices singing "smack that" and not knowing what it means.. ah. so cool.

edit

for some reason i cant stop thinking about my senior sketch. i feel so lonely.
mm.

edit

nina: i felt it was time for my inner flower girl to come out and say hello.

&&

i realized i never really talked about what happened today. this beautiful day.

my mom woke me up at ten and we walked to the coffee shop called the ugly mug, not bombadills, and i got a coffee with a shot of hazelnut.. and a bananarama. its a toasted bagel with cream cheese, banana slices, honey, and cinnamon piled on top. the cream cheese is delicious with fruit, or orange marmalade. she thought it would be gross and got a plain raisin bagel but changed her mind when she had a bite. so laden with several bagels and two good books, we sat in the theater chairs next to a cool table. this place is amazing, they have a ledge on the entire perimeter of the room that is covered in old books. so when i finished my stephen king, i read a malcolm x autobiography, as told by some other guy.. really interesting. its in first person but its very factual and informative about him.. in a way that the real person wouldnt have been. no cool quotes or anything. whatever.

then james and i built a water rocket. we got an eight foot plastic flourescent light cover about two inches in diameter, and two foot square pieces of sticky, thin, plastic floor tile. finishing price: $5.87. not bad. so then, we took it to the shop and cut the tube into a four and a half foot piece, and used the top of a coke bottle to make a nose. we stuck the two squares of tile together, and sliced them diagonally to make two right triangles. we cut one halfway from the top and the other halfway from the bottom and stuck them together, so we had an object not unlike a waterbomb base - yes, origamees, unite - with four fins. we put four notches in the plastic tube for the fins to slide into, and held it all together with packing tape. it looks pretty badass. a water rocket works by filling a container about a third of the way with water and pressurizing it, where it flies up in the air.

we made one before out of a two liter.. but when it got dark and we put sparklers into the fins for a bit of a show, we had our best flight ever. but the wind caught it and threw it into the nearest tree. shards of melting plastic proceeded to fall down on us, as the tree caught fire. it went out, though.

but anyways. we put a hole in a rubber stopper, because the bottom is the top of a coke bottle too.. and fed a small tube up through that. the whole thing is airtight, so when we fill it up tomorrow and hook it up to the air compressor.. i think its gunna be pretty sweet. its gunna fly high, too, we will have to go to my grandmas house. we are going to put a strip of masking tape on it and paint it black. the tape is so that we can see the water level when we pull it off. hopefully we wont have another funeral, because the piece of the old fin nailed to the tree fell down.

that was a long edit. i hope you all comment the NEW one, even if you delete the old comment. you all. ha. how comical.

&&

new links

once again, its never like we thought it was

oh well.
at least somebody believes me.

edit

i wish marion would come on
i got a book today
and its not the one for meghna
i really need to go downtown
and i got a present for marion, because it is her birthday on monday. random present. and no, i am not telling you what it is.

things are going okay, mostly because its such a fantastic day. i used to like winter better. but waking up when it is dark, then not being able to tell where the sun is behind the huge clouds that make us all SLEET'd? no.

i have been sort of moody
james described it as me turning into a total jerk
i almost told him that he was being a hypocrite
but took his advice
and i am being a hypocrite anyways, so thats a crazy maze of fantastically stupid emotions.
i would say i hate people, but since i am one of them, i will say i hate the way people who arent geniuses think. not that i am a genius. not that i actually feel that way. go figure. i think. never understood that expression.

RAMBLATION'd.

anyway. see you monday. comment. i want some response to what i say. i need some support.

sad songs and math class revelations

well, thats over.

we are still talking and we are going to be really good friends, and its not just a promise, its happening already. it turned out better than i could have hoped. i also did some stupid shit on myspace but that was just me not thinking and kind of caught up in being confused, like i usually am.

not to make excuses

something else is apparently starting, though i cant really see that. stop spreading rumors, you tools. nobody loves you.

that wasnt to you, it was to you *points at the guilty one*

everyone should stay after school more so i can do more than sleep and talk about random drama with meghna, not that it isnt fun.

lacrosse seems like the most boring sport to play, ever. and dont tell me i am wrong, because i know.

i do this thing where i ask a stupid question and i know i am wrong because countless other smarter people have proved it and people cant tell me why, and i get frustrated. because i know i am wrong, but why. whatever. just me being crazy. like everyone else.

hey, pie. frou frou. that one song. those lyrics. ha. sorry.

i think i am bringing my guitar tomorrow. if i can convince james. which would be cool. i want to because he could just pick me up and take me to my lesson. and i can even practice a little beforehand. anyways.

thanks, people.

decisions, sunglasses, and dead people in the forum

well my mom just told me that she was mentioned featured on someones blog, and also in someones blog in spain. but the spain one was just a picture. either way it is really cool.

pretty soon, you guys will all be asking me a lot of questions. i hope. because i dont want you to get some skewed reality. thats a picture with a lot of symbolism in it. and then there is a lot in it for me, especially. anyways.

this isnt going to be a long one

i am finally getting some new gym shoes, wont that be grand? and maybe some shiny pants.

after school was fantastic. i can think clearly now. thanks, kitty and meghna. you guys rock.

sudoku and sudoky

for some reason my fingers always want to type sudoky. weird, huh?

i have been playing it a lot lately. oh wow the time and date thing is messed up. its really 5:05. anyone know where to change that?

my left middle finger is ridiculously cold compared to the rest of my body.

so anyhoo, i am waiting for my aunt to pick me up because my dad is driving from ohio to here, staying the night, and driving back with me where i will stay for a week. and tonight we are going to stay up with my aunts boyfriend and play videlo games all night. i never play video games, EVER, and i will be staying up til 2 every night now.. yay!

i wont be online much because the computer is in my parents bedroom and it would be both awkward and annoying for them for me to be iming while i was there. i mean, obviously, really.

the ortho appointment sucked, although the girl was nice. james is making this DELIICIOUS LOOKING AND SMELLING SOUP and i wont be able to have any because i cant eat for three hours and i will be gone in that time. oh well. i sort of redid my myspace, with the help of lolicious, so everyone should check it out.

but im planning on having lots of fun. except for the fact that people wont shut up about dc [not their fault, really] and will say things like "so what was your favorite? did you see the washington monument? did you see this thing? i hope there werent GIRLS in your room.. see the thing about the girls: they know there were no girls in my room. they arent stupid. they just want to hear themselves say it. maybe they get sexually excited from the thought of a girl being in someone elses room. i dont know.

if you are lucky i will call you. and if i dont call you, give me your number. i probably miss the hell out of you [secretly i just TRICKED you because now you dont want me to have your number because you are worried i wiill stalk or rape you [but i just TOLD you so you dont know what to think now.. oh jesus, what will you do NOW, oh dear]]. it felt good to wait to punctuate that sentence until the very end. i bet meghna was all set to get the old razor out from the dusty shelf [and she will because this is about to be one hell of a run on sentence], where she remembered it would be from the LAST time she used it, when i ended a sentence with a preposition, which out of my brain and onto the page it had come out from.

well, bye, i guess.

lucky smells and retrospective wishing [looking back]

i went to the mall today with marion and maya and viggy which was fun, actually. marion and maya wanted to go into abercrombie which smelled terrible and made viggy and i gag so we went and got a smoothie, then lost maya and marion, then went into abercrombie and almost choked to death trying to find them (which we didnt) then we did at american eagle.. i dont know we just walked around then i caught the bus and went the wrong way.. all in all it took me about two hours to get home. whatever. it happens.

we went to my grandmas [where else] for dinner and i played some chess and played a lot of guitar and played a lot of the being bored on the couch game.

speaking of couches.

pie was also involved because when i was waiting for half an hour for my bus we attempted to have a phone conversation. she also left me a really awesome voicemail which i SAVED, thank you very much. [youre welcome].

the word cribbage just popped into my head.

save a horse, people.
$3+, p13. $3+.

shmorf, misguided intentions, and misplaced jealousy caused my a misinterpretation of misused emotions

meghna rao: "but i really dont think id have any idea what was going on if it wasnt for the fact that i do." this picture was taken by my sister with her little red camera. meghna is currently attending the pumpernickel school of pastriotism, and watches the new hit television show "this american life" every friday evening following her weekly yoga session. she claims that these activities, when performed in that order, releases certain antioxidants in o positive blood typed persons into the brain producing a natural high not unlike the effects of chocolate or ginseng tea. this complicated process got the the nobel prize for randominity in 2003, the same year her first award-winning novel, "white roses and the taste of summer" was published. although critics said that the proper use of punctuation and tense was suffocating, she announced that that bit was a private joke by one of her colleagues at the breadloaf writers convention for the mentally furthered. this colleague is now a retired and wealthy purse salesperson living off the shores of idaho. currently she writes her books entirely by the process of copy-and-paste, which she claims has a stunning and long-lasting effect on the central nervous system (a remedy which is yet to be proved by any reliable medical sources). she now lives in new mexico with seventeen cats, a prairie dog, and two terminally depressed white mice.

yeah, so dc was really cool. it was so PACKED with stuff to do. the lincoln memorial was the best, i think. i would have liked the spy museum but i had to skip most of it because i hurt my nose real bad. but the lincoln memorial was really pretty... it was like eight at night with all the stars reflecting in the big pool of water and you could see the washington memorial all lit up and the capitol behind it.. it was so cool. so i stood right dead center an inch from the big pool and had a long meaningful conversation with banana. i had not had one of those with her for a long time.

then after more running around and tours we went to the aquarium in the morning of the last day for a few hours. that was.. yeah. kitty. does kitty even read blogs? i doubt it, seeing as half my posts have her in them and she never comments *gives imaginary kitty my teacher look*. then we had lunch at the hard rock café where a certain someone that is not myself was forced to stare at the plate the entire time, which went unnoticed by the person causing the hidden workings of this complicated episode in the ongoing... at this point, my audience dies of internal bleeding and will have to gnaw their own leg off to survive if i were to continue. onward and upward. i dont think any of you two people reading this got that, but i needed to say it.

other than that, we just went around. there was this whole behind the scenes stupid thing that i dragged meghna into that made me really sad for a little while. i was wrong about a lot of things, it turns out. seems to be a recurring theme lately. but i was sad with cool people which is hard to do and i was sad in a really really beautiful place which made it more beautiful as i tried to take in the symbolism. there was also something else really beautiful that i missed very much on that trip and when i finally saw her we got to talk and she made me happy again, like always..

im so stupid.

totally unintentionally, i usually say really stupid things but attempt to make them sound fantastic by using really big words. maybe i should be lynne truss when i grow up.

power tools, eardrums, and unions

james is putting in a new storefront on michigan ave for his shop, and im helping him build things for it. like a huge desk. i just sawed a lot and you could always hear screws and nails going into wood
that loud squealy noise.
but i like the smell of wood, hot wood.

i dont know. i wish meghna would get online. ira glass is coming to pease auditorium, which we can almost see from our house.. hes the host of this american life, a great radio show. and i think we are taking meghna, because she likes it. should be fun.

no one has called me or commented me or initiated a conversation with me for like 4 days
besides magga and frenchie
but they are absolutely badass
so they dont count, besides everything

comment. call me. something.

see you in dc.

edit..

AUUGHGHKSDMHLSDM.

ira glass was AWESOME
diana, it was today.. im sorry. i could only bring one person and i had told meghna..
after party- this cool guy, davy, the in charge type thingy person from found magazine (look it up) is good friends with him. so he walks up to this FAMOUS GUY, and PUTS HIS ARM AROUND HIM, and says "i want you to meet josh and ruth and james and stefan" and then we talked for a while, about really interesting things. we all connected really well, and laughed a lot, and yeah. hes really a genius. i think i need to listen to his show now, more, because i know so much more about it.

meghna met the snail uncle. good job, meghna.
meghna gets mentioned a lot lately.

i am seeing the high school musical tomorrow at 2 (well today) and frenchie shall be there.. supra cool. she really is amazing in the most undefinable (best) ways. if only she COUGH READ MY BLOG maybe she could see..

i seem to be using "(BLAH)" lately. i hope its not annoying.

i hope my self consciousness is not annoying.

well im going to sleep, and maybe my unconsciousness will make me less tired.
GREAT FLIPPING DAY. i needed one of those. back on my feet..

oh right
the union had these huge stacks of chocolate and cheese (mm) and pineapples and eclairs and all that.. so delicious. meeting cool people is really fun, people you just immediately connect with. being an 8th grader and making people laugh happens really rarely, for me, and its nice to meet adults who treat me equally and who i can have a fun time with. comment THAT.

name calling and baditudes

hey, guys.

magga, kitty, you know it all


bad week
well i have been real tired
i wish i could just take a day off
from doing homework
i have soo much english to do. and math. and civics. and latin.
and thinking


jaysus

i would talk about things
but everyone knows most of it
gimme some love, people
i will comment all 2 of you back, i swear

gas mask lenses and army green

so my uncle came back from poland where he lives. i havent seen him for three years, but everyone except james and i went to his wedding a little while ago.

thats cool. because my uncle rox all ur soxes (hehe) and we played basketball and hes here for TWO WEEKS. i have a really bad headache again. so tired. and i JUST got home. time to start that homework crap. gr.

a lot happened but thinking about all that typing makes my fingers hurt. ow.


&& edit


he gave me this bag that was actually used in the 80s in the army. it still had gas mask lenses, gas mask lens fog repellent, and a canteen and stuff. it looks good on me, although i think if i brought it in to school people would call it a man purse. once again, influenced by the popular opinion of the world at large.

how very cruel.